Ways to Die Before C Programming Practical Exam...

Good Morning Class, I'm Miss Averii, your new teacher for the module:

"1001 Ways to Die Before the Impending End-of-the-World Programming Methodology in C"

Now settle down class...

As you all know, your previous teacher for this module will no longer be teaching you...
He is a very brilliant man, or should I say, he WAS a brilliant man, until his successful attempt to commit sucide finally work...
After so many times, yes... yes... , hard work and dedication is essential in this course...
If you could not get it right in the first attempt, try and try again...

Okay, can anyone in this class tells me what are the most fundamental ways of killing yourself??

Wow, what a huge response I see...
Now... The boy over there, wearing the red sweater, yes you...
Now please stand up and tell the whole class your answer... and your name as well, thank you...

*chair dragging against the floor*

"I... I... My name is... Depressanrio..."

Oh good day, Depressanrio, now please kindly tell us your answer...

"Welll, ermm... I did try drowning myself, but I got saved, you see..."

That was a good answer, Depressanrio, now please sit down...

Yes, dying by drowning is one of the ways...
But I shall show you the main theories first, which I shall illustrate on the board...

#1
Suffocation
#2
Huge Impact
#3
Loss of Blood

Now for #1, suffocation, which most of time, is via drowning...
Other ways also includes sewing your nose and mouth shut, sleeping with your face in the pillow, choking on your food etc...
But however, none of these are very practical, and they tend to induce a lot of pain, and may not be feasible as well...
Drowning is a very good idea, for when you get into the water, the oxygen in your lungs will run out very soon, and your own body weight will pull you down even further... Tying stones to your legs is one very good idea too...
In fact, the more you struggle, the faster you will go down...
There will be some pain, and uncomfortable feeling at first, but as your brain soon loses its oxygen, you will start to lose your consciousness as well...
Thus the suffering is only short-term...

But there are cons of dying via drowning...
First of all, it requires you not to have the skill in swimming...
So that even if you panic at the very last moment, there is still nothing you can do, but drown, thus acheiving your goal...
So even if you did try to resist the temptation to use your swimming skills, it takes a huge amount of discipline and resolved to carry it out...
Also, it would be best if you can try this method in places where there are very few people, thus decreasing the chances of you being saved by a passer-by, like what happened to Depressanrio...
You will feel very disappointed, as all of your initial efforts will be wasted but try not to take it out on the inncocent passer-by, alright??

Now, lets go on to the second method, dying by huge impact...
There are several ways to carry it out...
One way is to jump off the building...
There are so many HDB flats in our little country, feel free to take your pick...
One good thing about this is that it will let you experienced the effects of free-falling, as shown in many physics textbook you have...
Now you will finally have a chance to carry it off...
Another way is to jump in front of a moving vehicle...
But there are several conditions to this...
First of all, the vehicle, must be Big, there is no point in jumping in front of a kiddie bicycle...
You will only incur pain, and tramatised the young child as well...
And the vehicle must be moving very fast, you will not die if the bus you are standing in front merely nudges you, or is stationary...
Jumping in front of the MRT is a hot favourite right now, as shown in the recent cases...
However, I must warned you, it will cause a major traffic and MRT jam if you proceed to do this in the rush hour...
Please spare a thought for others, you don't want your life, but they sure as hell treasure their time...

This method is good in a way that it is fast, and deadly...
Very slim chances that anyone can save you, for the time interval for the impact is beyond human reaction time...
However bear in mind that you will experience great pain...
And your body will be mangled up, or disfigured even...
So please think carefully before deciding whether you want to go by this way...

The third one is loss of blood, usually done by the slitting of wrist...
Or going to the blood donation center many times and lying about the last visit you made...
After all, blood is precious, if you want to die, might as well do a good deed before you do so...
There will be a short sharp pain when you decided to die this way, and make sure you have lock your doors before you do so, you do not want someone to come and save you, send you to the hospital and let them pump blood into you...
It is the totally opposite effect you want...

Okie class... That is the basic description of the fundamental ways to die...
There are many variations of these, or you can even combine them and create a whole new way of dying...
Be creative!!! Think out of the box...

Now time is almost up, we will continue with our lesson same time next week...
Your assignment for this week would be to think up of one way of dying, based on what I've told you regarding the fundamental theories...
You can use one theory, or combine any of them together...
Also include the method of doing it, the pros and cons, and any after effects if any...
Please do not copy your classmates answer alright??

That's all class, you are dismissed...

*Ringgggggggggggggggggggg*





*All of these is purely fictional, I made it up... Hahahaha...*
*And no, I'm not psycho, I just have a huge imagination*
*And if anyone of you decided to die after reading it, well, you are sure dumb, idiot, better off dead anyway*